Night falls, can’t sleep

No hustling and bustling

To keep me busy

To keep my mind from wandering,

Wondering, Why?


I know the answer –

Freedom. Space. Independence.

But it doesn’t make it easy.


I lay awake thinking

Thinking who’ll be

Laying beside you

In years to come,

Who’ll be kissing you,

Who’ll be touching you,

Loving you.


Night falls, tears come

Sobs choked in my throat

Drops falling from my eyes


Don’t think about it,

I say to myself.


During the day,

It’s busy –

All the people

All of the animals

Looking for housing

Closing joint accounts


Keep the mind working

Running 100 miles per hour

But at night?

It stops.


I can only think

Think of what might have been

If only thing were different

If only things were better


A shot of tequila

Burning down my throat

Is my only hope

To quiet the tears

To quiet the thoughts

To quiet myself,

So I can sleep


I love you so much

Words so strong and powerful

Words with so much feeling

Pain. Pain when dreams are



Written by Beth Malbon

April 23, 1996