A Lone Valentine

A tear drops

Color splatters


A single red rose

Baby’s breath



Sun swept hair

Sparkling sapphire eyes

Now, smoldering grey


Silk dress, pure

Now, crimson stained


A lone Valentine


Written by Beth Malbon

February 13, 1998

My apologies as this is not a happy or loving poem for Valentine’s Day. But when I wrote it I always wondered what those who didn’t have Valentines or loves in their lives felt like on this celebratory day of love would feel like.

Heartache Like No Other

Five years ago, today, my Mom lost her battle with pancreatic cancer. It was a short, but horrific and painful battle. And I miss her dearly.

I have lost pets. I have lost friends. In time, this pain has lessened and gone away. But the pain of losing my Mom, my best friend… this pain is still there. It’s fresh. It’s deep. It’s like having my heart split open all over again.

I miss her so much. Yesterday, after praying the rosary 📿, I started listening to some of my Christian music which I haven’t listened to in awhile. I couldn’t remember why I hadn’t listened to it… and then a song came on: “Did You Feel the Mountains Tremble?” And then I remembered why I haven’t listened to it. My Mom and I used to go to church every Sunday, and we would sing these songs together.

I started crying, then sobbing. Rocking myself back and forth as tears streamed down my face.

Mom, I miss you so much!

My beautiful Mom

Then I looked at the date she died… oh my gosh. Five years. It’s been five long years without her. So much has happened without being able to talk with her. Without being able to pick up the phone and call her, to hear her voice. To be able to hug her, to feel her embrace. To smell her scent. Before the fire, I had her clothes in bags. I was able to smell her scent, and it was like she was there… close to me.


I still remember when she entered heaven… it was shortly after she died. I was doing dishes, crying, missing her. And a peace hit me in the center of my chest. I cannot even describe the tranquility that touched me in my core. It was something I’ve never experienced before in my life. It lasted for a split second, and I knew. But the peace I felt… it was wonderful… it was the most beautiful thing ever. I wanted it back as soon as it went away. It was better than anything I’ve ever felt.

My Mom Made Me Promise Her

Before my Mom died she made me promise her I wouldn’t end my life. I promised her. I’ve gone through a lot of struggles, and so many times I’ve wanted to end my life… but I did promise my Mom. I also want to see her again.

It’s such a huge heartache to lose my Mom that oftentimes to deal with this pain, I push the memory of her deep down inside of me. That’s the only way I can cope. If I start thinking about her, I start to cry all over again.

It’s the same reason I cannot visit her gravesite. I have visited it sometimes, but not as often as I should. I know if I do, I’ll be sobbing all over again.

Have you lost a parent? How do you cope?


Night falls, can’t sleep

No hustling and bustling

To keep me busy

To keep my mind from wandering,

Wondering, Why?


I know the answer –

Freedom. Space. Independence.

But it doesn’t make it easy.


I lay awake thinking

Thinking who’ll be

Laying beside you

In years to come,

Who’ll be kissing you,

Who’ll be touching you,

Loving you.


Night falls, tears come

Sobs choked in my throat

Drops falling from my eyes


Don’t think about it,

I say to myself.


During the day,

It’s busy –

All the people

All of the animals

Looking for housing

Closing joint accounts


Keep the mind working

Running 100 miles per hour

But at night?

It stops.


I can only think

Think of what might have been

If only thing were different

If only things were better


A shot of tequila

Burning down my throat

Is my only hope

To quiet the tears

To quiet the thoughts

To quiet myself,

So I can sleep


I love you so much

Words so strong and powerful

Words with so much feeling

Pain. Pain when dreams are



Written by Beth Malbon

April 23, 1996

Faded Bride

White, beaded, ruffled gown

Black tux with tails

Dancing ‘round and ‘round

Under a canopy of trees


The moon lighting

Stars casting a glow

On the forest floor


No burdens, no problems

Love — love surrounding


Your arms tightly around me

Your breath in my ear

Your lips upon mine


Fading, shadows, darkness

Whispering, judging

Eyes staring


Passion, love lost

Sadness, frustration


Bride gone


Written by Beth Malbon

April 22, 1996

Like a Sunflower

Sunflowers from my yard in Bakersfield when I lived there 2017-18

A mere seed signifies her birth

Basking in the Son’s warm glow

She embeds her roots into the earth

Inch by inch, she flourishes and grows


Her petals of golden yellow rays

And her lush, emerald green leaves

Chase the sun’s scorching blaze

The bread of life, she receives


She stands tall on her stalk

With her bloom facing opposite west

Hand in hand, beside Jesus, she walks

Soon, she’ll be laid to rest


As we grieve and agonize

The pain and suffering of her plight

We must trust and realize

The Holy Spirit holds her tight


At the end of her demise

With grandma and grandpa, she’ll reunite

And with Christ, she will rise

And there she’ll find pure delight


With her death, we’ll cry and say goodbye

And the passing of every night

Through the dark and dismal skies

Brings the dawning of the Son’s light


And then much, much later

We will be with her- Ginny, our sister, mother, wife

And the Lord, our Creator

Rejoicing for eternity in the afterlife


Poem written by Beth Malbon

🌻 Dedicated to my Mom, Ginny Malbon September 17, 1947 to February 3, 2016

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